well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
