i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
