We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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