just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Drunk is not a location!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
