OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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