her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
