i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
