You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
