well you can't waste a boner
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
