Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
