shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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