you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
