I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Ladies don't puke and tell
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