omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
