you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
