and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
