I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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