Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
