Got a toothbrush?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
