Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Semen is not good for contacts.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
