Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
