Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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