I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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