Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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