Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
