A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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