While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
