I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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