where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
