Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
that's an acceptable place to lick
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
