This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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