Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
