dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
