His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
