fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
