no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
