I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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