i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You need Xanax blowdarts
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
