Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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