Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
