Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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