Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
