So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
