i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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