do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
