I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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