That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
