How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
