Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
