I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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